Feel good

Feel good about yourself, I say. Revel in your achievements, no matter how small. Because every little success you achieve on your own is something that no one can take away :)

People

Contrary to popular belief, there are a few people I don't like! I go through life trying to keep and open mind, but there are a few, treasured human beings who REALLY challenge my attempts to give them a fair chance in life.

However, considering them, I feel bad. Pity may be an overly magnanimous emotion but, you have to feel something for people who don't have people. Because they are out there. They don't have friends, because they can't. Because they can't open up to difference, because they can't embrace the fact that people can be strange, but still good. Because they lack that essential ability to love someone other than yourself.

How much they miss out on.

Because they achieve; great things, even. They "succeed" in life, out-classing, out-running, striving for "perfection" (which to me will always be bloody elusive as hell), improving always, seeking the perfect degree, the perfect job. But they never...bond. Or they bond, with "the agenda", that all-purpose manifesto of requirements that an individual must have to qualify to be part of the circle. '

I have been thinking, on the brink as I am of a Big Step, about people, friends and achievement, the dreaded "What do I do with life?"-type internal monologues.
 Come to a few hazy conclusions, I have; primary among which is that being happy is very, very important. Being positive towards people is important. Not holding grudges helps a lot in life. Looking for the best in people aids in reducing manic anger-related episodes. Hatred should be, well, dropped. And you should do the best for yourself, remembering always that there are people around you for a reason, to live with, to help, to share a joke or a drink or a joint or a kiss or a hug or a smile. It's not about being a peachy, peace-loving hippie, it's about being able to talk to that hippie and be a friend to him.

Because in the end, success is necessary, money is essential and Life is serious, but if you can't find love and friendship among the 7 billion people who share your life-space, you really must question yourself about whether you have lived at all.

On taking a big step

I don't generally like taking big steps; the idea of them are a little threatening to me and they make me feel like they should accompany big, life-changing decisions, of which I'm admittedly not the biggest fan :)
Big steps are all those which-in my head-are taken by people unlike me; you now, risk-takers, bungee jumpers, people who leave home when they turn 18, who go off to the hills with a man on impulse, people who do crazy things like I don't know, get a tattoo, pierce their nipple, have drunken sex on a beach in Hikkaduwa on an unforgettable evening.

Just not me.

Strangely though, what I have come to slowly but surely realize about big steps is that they are often not as daunting as they appear. Sometimes, in mid-step they are aborted, and you can only hope it's for a good reason.
Sometimes, you have to take a number of small, successful steps which will smoothly glide into a big, gliding glide-step thing.
Sometimes of course, as you're walking along alone, amid the aborted big steps and the mundane everyday steps, you find yourself stepping over a puddle, skipping over some rocks and suddenly on the threshold of something that promises to be a very big step indeed. At this point, the smartest thing to do is probably not ruminate over it too much, but to just say wtf let's do this shit and walk on, walk on, walk on because you can'r go back now.