CowardiceCowardice

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibWYROwadYs


Seems like cowardice in its finest form always comes to light through relationships,  of any variety.

Even the bravest man/woman is afraid to love completely and to let go completely.

 To love completely is dangerous-it opens up pores and dust pours through, leaving you prone to infection of the heart and invasion of germs that may one day go away, leaving you curiously empty and hollow, not even half the person you were before.
It make you asks Million Rupee Questions about if you're good enough for a superior human being and if you have anything that sets you apart from humanity's shop of Choice.
It basically, makes you a dart board, facing a being holding darts you handed over to them with stars in your eyes and hopes swallowing your little romantic heart.

That's creepy on a whole new scale.

To let go now, on the other hand, means you have to relinquish rewards, side-benefits, security, known things, familiarity, companionship.It means you have to actually make an effort with beings again. Oh no. What a lot of effort.

So we try and salvage what we have in a desperate effort to maintain normalcy as we know it, while also trying to save ourselves from the abyss of too-close relations which we are oh so prone to.

I realise that this is a rant, but I believe, firmly, that there are times when such are required and accepted as unavoidable.

The Grateful Alive

I wonder if it's general maturity or hearing others' woes that makes one realize what one should be grateful for.
Maybe it's a combination.

I know I'm grateful that I have love in my life, and I don't mean the platonic or filial variety. I mean the angry, biting, desperate, grieving, ecstatic, dizzying type.

I know I'm grateful for having parents who don't hover. Like space ships or mother hens over their chicks, asking if they're done eating, wondering why they're still not home, touching, stroking, placating. GAAAAAAH!!

I'm grateful for having opportunities. To eat, to learn, to read, to blog when the mood strikes :)

I'm grateful for the time I have in life; the time I create without the pressures of whens and when it's dones and once that's overs.

I'm grateful for whatever friends I have made, and will keep, in any realm of life-school, college, work. I' thankful for my lifelines- FB, Skype, mobile.

I'm grateful, I realize, more that anything else, for being able to be grateful for these things. For being able to rejoice in them instead of seeking out all the negative things in life, circling them in Red and marking them "THIS IS WHY MY LIFE SUCKS."

I'm pretty sure that when the next wave of contentment with life strikes, this post will have an extension. Till then, we must all brace ourselves for the inevitable depression. It's life. It imitates any natural cycle.

Things are better at home

it;s raining outside..started quite randomly I have to say as it always does in Bangalore...you never know when the damn skies are going to open and out forth their showers of blessings. As an added blessing of sorts, the lights went off and I'm currently typing by the mellow light cast by my lap monitor and blind (ha ha!) faith.
I THINK I want to eat something but I don't feel like hogging so yeah.
Sometimes I wish I was at home. If I was at home, I wouldn't have to figure out a way to maneuver my torch and my toothbrush together at the same time to brush my teeth. And, if I was at HOME, my father would fix the light. AND if I was at home I would crib about how hot it was under my mosquito net, but I would wear my raggiest night-wear and go lie like the dead on my parents' bed, in their room where the windows would be open and the cold wind which comes with the rain would blow in to the darkened room. And malli and nangi would come and lay likewise and there would be screams as one abused the other. And there would be mundane gossiping about random people we know.
If I was at home, I'd still be thinking about the things I think about against my will, but somehow things might be better, because although you don't realize when you ARE home, things-even random rains and power failiures-are most often better when you're home.
Now that was a bit of a homesick rant.

Arre! lights came!