I am woman, hear me roar weakly.

Women are fascinating creatures, I find the obsession that artists- poets, sculptors, painters, dramatists, cynics, philosophers, psychologists-have with them to be completely understandable. We are a strange lot, especially us "modern and empowered women". Because, sometimes, despite the strongest bloody feminist morals and the most militant feminist ideologies, women end up being just that, women, in every sense of the word in its worst, most stereotyped form.

So I think it would be very safe to say that while I love the vagaries associated with womanhood, and deplore the bullshit (Read as stomach cramps, mood swings, periods, painful childbirth, mood swings, body image issues) associated with being one, the thing I hate most are the basic traits of my type that are sadly unavoidable.

Like pining, and feeling less than special, and being burdened with the expectations of appropriate and inappropriate behaviour and having to cover up for the lack of perception of others. All of that and more.

But what is most insulting to a carefully built up feminist ego is that after years of empowerment, the woman's spirit is still so very much at the mercy of its twin soul's, and still so very easily quashed.

True

Oh Florence you beautiful woman. You're right. You really can't dance with the devil on your back!

Comfort...and other things :)

I started writing about comfort a while back, but had to stop; because there were things to do, and people who "needed me" and important stuff like work, and money to be minted. I wasn't really comfortable, but I think that at that point, I wanted to explore the concept of what it means to be comfortable, with self and others. Because I had recently had, unsurprisingly, a revelation!

Now, there's been rain outside and it's a Sunday, and the only pressing things in life are the cooking baking in the oven and the 8pm appointment for a hair cut, for my sister. I feel comfortable, at ease with myself. Which has increasingly become a very rare occurrence, in the past few months. Sometime I seek these moments SO MUCH that it in itself becomes a damned discomfort, like trying to "find yourself" or "discover you"(epic fails on both counts) :)

However, as I am comfortable now, I'd like to say for the record that to find even a few people with whom one can be completely at ease, is a real gift. Family, yes, always, thank God. Good friends, if you're lucky. Room-mates, I have found, by sheer necessity...and sometimes they even like you for it! Ha. Yourself, whoopie if you find it, I'm still on that quest.

But others, other. One more person. Who you don't feel like pretending with, trying too hard for, being mature for, that now that, comes only if you're rather blessed, I think.

My Alone Theory

Read a brilliant blog post on Riskology, on tips on being alone.

Read http://advancedriskology.com/alone/ when time permits.

As a Confessed Social Butterfly, I have a reputation for being a real PR Person. Everybody loves me, I'm awesome like that :) However, I do like my time alone. I enjoy reading on the balcony in the blistering sun, I enjoy looking at the stars, I like making my own food, I like browsing through old bookstores alone, I like striding across the road alone with my headset on. And I do NOT like people talking to me when I don't want to talk to them, at all.

But I think that I am slightly ashamed of doing things alone, it might be my upbringing, it might be the social conventions I hold on to tightly despite declaring a non-conformist, indifferent perspective of the world. I only go places if there's someone to go with, I generally need a friend to enjoy the theatre or an arty movie showing or an exotic food festival. I hardly go shopping alone. I have a nagging suspicion that I lack faith in meself. Yep.

But the really, really tricky thing with other people is that you can never really depend on them :) They have Lives, Loves and Other Things To Do a lot of time. So I miss out on a lot of things that could possibly enrich my life, I don't know.

There are a few people in my life who I really admire, strange and exotic creatures who regularly do odd things all by themselves, like listen to obscure and brilliant musicians play and watch subtitled foreign films at festivals organized by embassies. These people fascinate me on so may levels; Their comfort with being with themselves is a beauty to me, something I think I will never achieve. Their lack of need for concurrence with another opinion, their pure enjoyment of singular pleasures, their general lack of constant companionship. It's pretty cool.

I think I am a LONG way from being cool enough to go for a concert alone, but I plan to start small. I am already sticking to tips like asking people for less advice when I already know the answer, and also am enjoying the moments of alone I have. I was a little taken aback when I was told that I am only satisfied these days because so many of my friends are down and I have many things to do. This really added to me self-schema, I have to say.

ANYWAY, the plan is to start small and visit a nearby craft village, alone if I must. I will also try to be less dependent on others for pleasure, leisure and other things in life. Being the mostly-extrovert I am (I will never admit that I don't have qualities of introversion) , I will always need some form of company at most times, but I will enjoy my alone time with more ease, hopefully. Maybe, someday, I will reach that point where I can travel the world with just, myself and trusty old I :)

Must see putha. 

CowardiceCowardice

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibWYROwadYs


Seems like cowardice in its finest form always comes to light through relationships,  of any variety.

Even the bravest man/woman is afraid to love completely and to let go completely.

 To love completely is dangerous-it opens up pores and dust pours through, leaving you prone to infection of the heart and invasion of germs that may one day go away, leaving you curiously empty and hollow, not even half the person you were before.
It make you asks Million Rupee Questions about if you're good enough for a superior human being and if you have anything that sets you apart from humanity's shop of Choice.
It basically, makes you a dart board, facing a being holding darts you handed over to them with stars in your eyes and hopes swallowing your little romantic heart.

That's creepy on a whole new scale.

To let go now, on the other hand, means you have to relinquish rewards, side-benefits, security, known things, familiarity, companionship.It means you have to actually make an effort with beings again. Oh no. What a lot of effort.

So we try and salvage what we have in a desperate effort to maintain normalcy as we know it, while also trying to save ourselves from the abyss of too-close relations which we are oh so prone to.

I realise that this is a rant, but I believe, firmly, that there are times when such are required and accepted as unavoidable.

Wisdom

 "So we keep on waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change"...John Mayer is crooning in to my ears. He's a wise dude. Been hearing wisdom from some strange corners today.

One says that you must look at where you want to be in another 10 years, and aim from there onward. Sometimes even given up on the vague ambitions of "what I really love to do" to achieve that picket fence, the cheery patter of little feet, the security of home, family and a steady income.

One says that you should always, always make the right connections. Be interested in people, talk to people, and one day, one of them will point you in the direction of where you need to be. That it will always come, no matter what.

So young, these people, and yet so wise. It's fascinating to think of where they have come from, and where they have been in life to come to terms with these (sure, both) truths.

  Everybody is making their own change because the world ain't changing for us.

Content?

Over a long overdue visit, a Wise Teacher told us that she stays happy and content by not expecting anything from anyone. That way, no body disappoints, and no expectations fall so far short that one ends up feeling silly in the first place for expecting.

Mulled this over. It's really a superb plan. Very sensible, and one of the precepts of most wide-spread religious doctrines.

But really, we're only human. Expectation seems to be the in-built feature of the human psyche. One can try not to expect, or have low expectations but invariably you bounce right back to your happy state of what ideally should be. And it's dangerous, and it hurts terribly when things/places/mostly people don;t live up to your expectations.
But really, who are we to complain? What would life be without expectations? It would clearer, yes. It would be less cluttered, fewer of us would suffer from the renowned "I want to bank my head hard against the wall| syndrome, but it would be, unreal. I can't imagine a life without unrealistic expectations.
It seems vaguely unnatural and relevant only for higher states of consciousness.