Put a little tolerance in yer heart :)

“Every one of us is, in the cosmic perspective, precious. If a human disagrees with you, let him live. In a hundred billion galaxies, you will not find another.”

Carl Sagan

Being you

I've been thinking of writing for a while now...what with new jobs and life changes and adjusting yourself to where it takes you, sometimes writing simple things become a bit of a task. But today, busy Friday that it is, it's just hit me that I have to write about being yourself, and being happy about that.

It seems like every inspirational quote and FB meme begins with some variation of "Be yourself and be happy" etc. etc. etc. and many convoluted, motivational twists on it. But that's not technically what I'm ranting on about. It's about being comfortable with yourself.

As someone who isn't entirely comfortable with myself, but is getting there, I have always envied people who don't need other people -- in the most elemental sense. Theses are people who are so comfortable with their own personalities (and idiosyncrasies) and so devoted to their life purposes that, although they enjoy healthy relationships,they don't seem to depend on them.

Although I firmly believe in the power of harmonious relationships and values relating to family, friends and love, etc., somehow I become increasingly aware of the fact that dependence for happiness, stability and SANITY more than anything else, depends on the self and how the self is prepared to handle Life. And this is not a spin on a feminist "I-don't-need-a-man-to-make-me-happy"ideal, it is stick-up-in-your-face fact. It means that even if you surround yourself with good, kind, loving people, you avoid the latching-on that humans are so prone to. This seems to translate into avoidng expectations, but I think expectations are fair, and human. What IS silly is to always the need the reassurance of another body to feel complete, or happy or safe or important.

This would mean that your're happy with yourself and your rationalisation of life, and that you count on yourself, not because you've lost faith in humanity but because you've come to the understanding that

a. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone
b. There's no one really better than you
c. What better person is there to deal with your mental well-being, than yourself!

Phew! So, like my strong women friends say, take a walk by yourself, enjoy music on your own, do your work well and without constantly needing approval, achieve what you have to because you want to and not because you owe it to someone else and, if you have balls, big ones, do something really crazy, like watching a movie by yourself or heading out to a dinner for one a at your favourite place :) Who knows, in your travails through your Self, you might surprise yourself ;) 

The kiss

Ended too soon
Filtered across fevered
Lips,
And landed on
A quivering heart.

You and Yourself

A song by one of my favourite-st bands on the beauties of solitude and the plus points of, sometimes, not really needing other people or their company. Listen to The Weepies if you haven't :)

People

Contrary to popular belief, there are a few people I don't like! I go through life trying to keep and open mind, but there are a few, treasured human beings who REALLY challenge my attempts to give them a fair chance in life.

However, considering them, I feel bad. Pity may be an overly magnanimous emotion but, you have to feel something for people who don't have people. Because they are out there. They don't have friends, because they can't. Because they can't open up to difference, because they can't embrace the fact that people can be strange, but still good. Because they lack that essential ability to love someone other than yourself.

How much they miss out on.

Because they achieve; great things, even. They "succeed" in life, out-classing, out-running, striving for "perfection" (which to me will always be bloody elusive as hell), improving always, seeking the perfect degree, the perfect job. But they never...bond. Or they bond, with "the agenda", that all-purpose manifesto of requirements that an individual must have to qualify to be part of the circle. '

I have been thinking, on the brink as I am of a Big Step, about people, friends and achievement, the dreaded "What do I do with life?"-type internal monologues.
 Come to a few hazy conclusions, I have; primary among which is that being happy is very, very important. Being positive towards people is important. Not holding grudges helps a lot in life. Looking for the best in people aids in reducing manic anger-related episodes. Hatred should be, well, dropped. And you should do the best for yourself, remembering always that there are people around you for a reason, to live with, to help, to share a joke or a drink or a joint or a kiss or a hug or a smile. It's not about being a peachy, peace-loving hippie, it's about being able to talk to that hippie and be a friend to him.

Because in the end, success is necessary, money is essential and Life is serious, but if you can't find love and friendship among the 7 billion people who share your life-space, you really must question yourself about whether you have lived at all.

The weak roar

Sitting around feeling rather blue today. The only thing that makes things even remotely bearable is knowing that there are close to thousands of people in the country feeling exactly the same today.

Sri Lanka-West Indies, Final, ICC T20 World Cup 2012. Home grounds baby, as it should be, crazy atmosphere. A sea of lion flags wherever you look, The kind of easy camaraderie among strangers that you don't find easily in our country. Was so at the match last night, when we lost.

 Whooooosh. You could almost hear the slow descent of hopes and could clearly the see the flags stop waving, the people stop cheering, the crazy guy with "SL" and "T20" painted on his mohakwed head stop dancing,

People will laugh of course. Silly little islanders, going on about their cricket. Look at them, 30 year civil war behind them, no GDP worth talking about, Stock Exchange handled by goons, rampant Law of the Jungle by administered by the ruling class, no one of note  in the vast minefield of world politics. Look at them, crying over something as trivial as a cricket match for God's sake. It's pathetic, they say, it's only a game.

Thing is,when you have so little, when there's nothing really that you can be proud about, cricket has always come to our rescue. People have no food in some parts of our country. Children are raped, with impunity. Law and order have no place. Wealth is monopolised by the same gaggle of people who could afford to watch the match on their ENORMOUS damn LCD screens yesterday, or pay 20K for a bleachers ticket.

In the same vein, the rational part of one says that surely this is NOT a big deal, because real problems we have aplenty and we can't seem to get past the cricket stuck on our nose to get some perspective. But a win would have been it. It wouldn't have made things OK, or brought about justice, or equality or anything morally good. But it would have given people something positive. It would have made the famous (infamous? notorious?) Sri Lankan Smile glow across every feature-from the hard line businessman to the vegetable vendor and the destitute watching it at a public large screen.

So, yes. The country stands glum. People are back at work, "long faces" as we call them here. The little island will get over it, the blame game has already started, everyone would have played it differently, given the chance.

 But there is a reason collective sports and recreation exist, and even the concept's most vitriolic skeptics  will agree that a win would have lifted the collective spirit of a depressed nation. 

Ask me no questions

And I'll try really hard not to tell you any lies.

I wonder why people think they have the absolute right to know everything about you. Today, I was struck by just how many things people ask you at first meeting, expecting you be willing to divulge without discrimination. This bit of world wisdom struck me today as I met someone new, and in the spirit of cordiality, asked her where she last worked. This unleashed a barrage of questions: How long have I worked, when am I leaving, where am I going, is this my first job, what was my first, blah, blah blah, blah, blah. As I brilliantly diverted her, my mind wandered.

Is it because, now, in the age of "sharing" everything, keeping info to yourself makes you an "introvert", even "a little shy, weird you know", "closed up"? We seem to be expected to tell all-who we  work with, what we do EXACTLY please, how much we make, what we want to do in life, where we WANT TO BE, who we're with, for how long, what the sex is like.We're even expected to rationalize our life choices and beliefs, explain why we go to our churches, give money to beggars, wear our hair this way, decide to not study, not marry, not have a happy brood of kids by the tender age of 22.

Someone called me "closed up" recently. A good friend too, at that. Well, hell, if I don't want to divulge it, you can't do a good damn thing about it :)

But tell me, really, where do you SEE yourself in 10 years? ;)