I love talking to my friends. Everyone has so much perspective to bring to life, to ideas, to stick-in-the-mind opinions. Today, one nudged opened the door of my mind a little bit more.
My strong feminist ideologies have never been a secret, ahem, and I think I like to go through life advocating women's rights and be-moaning a woman's manifold burdens, but also very blissfully ignoring the very real pressures and burdens men have to bear. Like for instance, the Hunter-Gatherer/Caveman/Provider ideal.
Especially in our very South Asian context, the "man of the family" has the Atlas-like burden of "supporting" everyone-the poor unmarried sister, the kids, the distant relative from the South, the painter who used to work for his father, the errant son, the aging mother etc. It is expected of him to perform, provide, put aside all other personal aspirations and internalize this role. Because if you fail, then, aiyo, he didn't do right by the family no. The wife. The mother-in-law.
"It's a fucking burden" says my friend grimly, just turned 30, graphic designer, 1 year old son, plagued by familial problems.
But, like women have internalized the roles of home and hearth, men have internalized the caveman role. And I can't help but think that not only does this seem to create a certain balance in the gender role universe but also that it is a facet of South Asian femininity taken for granted by women. Women are expected to run households, slave over them even but not to uphold them. The economic downturn of a family is generally never really pegged on a woman, but rather the man's inability to do his duties.
Seems to me there are all kinds of problems, all kind of burdens and that the Greek philosopher got it spot on in advice that is very hard to follow :
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." - Plato
My strong feminist ideologies have never been a secret, ahem, and I think I like to go through life advocating women's rights and be-moaning a woman's manifold burdens, but also very blissfully ignoring the very real pressures and burdens men have to bear. Like for instance, the Hunter-Gatherer/Caveman/Provider ideal.
Especially in our very South Asian context, the "man of the family" has the Atlas-like burden of "supporting" everyone-the poor unmarried sister, the kids, the distant relative from the South, the painter who used to work for his father, the errant son, the aging mother etc. It is expected of him to perform, provide, put aside all other personal aspirations and internalize this role. Because if you fail, then, aiyo, he didn't do right by the family no. The wife. The mother-in-law."It's a fucking burden" says my friend grimly, just turned 30, graphic designer, 1 year old son, plagued by familial problems.
But, like women have internalized the roles of home and hearth, men have internalized the caveman role. And I can't help but think that not only does this seem to create a certain balance in the gender role universe but also that it is a facet of South Asian femininity taken for granted by women. Women are expected to run households, slave over them even but not to uphold them. The economic downturn of a family is generally never really pegged on a woman, but rather the man's inability to do his duties.
Seems to me there are all kinds of problems, all kind of burdens and that the Greek philosopher got it spot on in advice that is very hard to follow :
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." - Plato
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